That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's shark week go big or go home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
