First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
