some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
