So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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