just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
