You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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