I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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