My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
there is glitter all over my balls
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