I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
