the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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