addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
