She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
