those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
