You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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