peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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