Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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