if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
