my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He felt like a one man threesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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