By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
