the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
where are you?
Hypothermia
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
