My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
