I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
