i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
