The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
