There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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