still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
