Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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