I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
