I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
