I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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