i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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