I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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