Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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