"it" just moved
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
