There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
