and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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