I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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