Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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