He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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