I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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