fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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