they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
