ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did i walk over a car last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
