Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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