hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I smell like Dick and happiness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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