I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
