Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
