ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
