You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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