You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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