so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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