the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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