I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
