I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and she was petting her beer can
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize