oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
