can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
