Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
