Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i think my cat just said my name.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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