I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Even my vagina gasped.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
