Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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