Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
