Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
