It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
