windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
