so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
