maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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