hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
