my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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