the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think I just sharted jello shots
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