yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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