I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
