Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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