so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
