i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
