She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize